On The Pursuit of Joy

Everyone around me is in a perpetual state of agony.

While this is a hard open, it is what I have been observing.

For years, I have felt as if nothing will ever be good again, that nothing will come close to the highest highs emboldened beneath a perpetual glaze of nostalgia. The world, it seems, has a penchant for proving the pessimistic right.

Despite this, I propose little joys to be found everywhere with few limits. But it feels impertinent now more than ever to enjoy in spite of and in light of such abundant suffering. I must consider, by this, if it is no fault of my own to relish in these simple joys.

Historically speaking, at least in terms of the last decade or so, excluding perhaps the past two or three years, the same principle I follow still has been encouraged: to find happiness in little moments. Recently, there has been an increase in criticism towards this perspective, claiming those who do so to be complacent in the evils of the world. Ignorant towards current events, bystanders to cruelty who are just as bad as the cruel themselves.

I know in my soul that this is not true. This is a skewed perspective, as all perspectives inherently must be. But I know too that there is some truth behind the sentiment, for I myself have seen the indifferent fall victim to ignorance. So how must I balance what cannot be balanced? For mental wellbeing and stability are implausible to measure based on the influence felt by outside forces and knowledge. It will be a challenge. An equal fight between those who declare me complacent in the downfall of society, and the heavy truth of the state of the world.

Here I must find the initiative to pursue knowledge just as I seek joy.

While I have never been the studious type, rather spending my days always as a hedonist prefers, my capable memory making up for the pitfalls in my studying habits as a student, I have always been curious. Subjecting my circadian rhythm to the whims of Wikipedia rabbit holes and in-depth essays on niche topics and ideas, this much is true. I could break some of the rules of my psychology by finding joy in gaining knowledge that the world is full of evil and finding evermore sadistic ways to exemplify this, but that would more than likely lead to actual ramifications, both mental and social.

Perhaps this is an entirely unnecessary waste of time, serving only as an insight into the turmoil behind the pursuit of joy.

I believe this so. But does that belief bely my natural partiality towards ignorance? Or, rather, is it merely the truth that this entire thought experiment is impossible to solve? I would quite like to favor the latter, even with haste, but hesitation finds a way to me despite my reasonable mind. The denial I insist stems not from cowardice or stagnancy, but of an understanding that the psyche cannot be static. I must simply determine what is more required in each moment, the harsh truth of knowledge or the warm embrace of creature comfort. Thusly, we arrive back at the initial dilemma. Such a perfect circle we have drawn!

What is more desired than either knowledge or comfort than the basest of instincts concerning the human with their inherent necessities. By this, my pause for supper is necessitated. A means to ending this circular reasoning I've trapped myself in. I intend to act as I have for years upon little joys; with the knowledge that I cannot know all, but that what knowledge I accrue is sacred to those affected by their consequences.

For now, I bid farewell. May joy find its way to you, whether you seek it or not.